De-Worming

One of the oh so many joys of living on a farm is de-worming. Horses, sheep, donkeys, cows, cats, dogs, goat....you name it (if it's been domesticated) I've dewormed it.

It's really glamorous, I know you wish you were me. There's so much to love about squirting 4 ounces of white paste down the gullet of an animal who doesn't want it there.

Most de-worming days are uneventful. However, when the stars align all hades breaks loose and every 4 legged creature has a death wish for me when they see me strolling across the pasture with a giant white tube. Today was that day.

I started with the smallest creature: 7lb. cat named Blazey. She looked the most docile and I can handle 7lbs. of crazy. At least I thought I could. She went spastic crazy. Claws out, crazy eyes, neck stiff, fur raised, spitting mad. She looked, in short, like a cat horror flick.

The other cats saw her display of evil and thought  "hey, I should try that too"  .

And they did. But they weigh A LOT more than 7 pounds. For instance, we have a cat, appropriately named Piggy Sue who hasn't left her post on top of the feed bags in 8 months. She makes a trip from the feed bags to the cat food and back about 11 times a day. It's no more than a 3 foot walk.

She's enormous....seriously huge. She looks like a baby hippopotamus.

Thinking her weight problem would be a hindrance to her agility and displeasure in the de-worming process since she loved to eat, I eyed her as an easy target. I was wrong. I held her in the crook of my arm and she new what was coming. She got to spitting, clawing, and cussing and I couldn't take it. She schooled me and I have the claw marks to prove it.

After these two dainty, lovely creatures I still had 5 more cats to attend to. None of them had a better attitude.

On to the horses who outweigh me by 1000 pounds but in most ways are much receptive to care than pesky felines. Not today.

Our resident Thoroughbred, PI (I haven't decided what these initials stand for. Private Inspector, Police Inquiry, 3.14159265, Polish Invasion, Post Intelligence, Pony Inferior.......),  has held a long standing commitment to making my life hell for more than 3 years. He has deadly morning flatulence which I am convinced he holds until I pass behind him and then lets it rip, he poops in the barn ALL THE TIME and pees in the hay every chance he gets, he gets about 14 gallons of sweet feed a day but chooses to eat it one pellet at a time, and my least favorite PI characteristic: he hates de-worming like I hate snot suckers (more than just a little).

He's consistent.

I left the tube out of his line of sight and slipped the halter over his head and attached the lead rope to a support post in the barn. He could sense what was coming his way and lashed out. Bucking, rearing, ears laid back, kicking and sitting down before I even brought the tube out of it's hiding spot. I got the job done after 30 minutes and some one's head (not mine) was made immobile.

I'm wiped out and the kids aren't even out of bed yet.

I'm considering drinking my breakfast at Starbucks.