KURVY KIM vs. Elizabeth

Kim Kardashian ruined my life.

Well that's just a little harsh. What she did was make me think it's okay to gain 10lbs. Look at her...all beautiful with curvy hips and skinny waist and ample chest. I thought, "Hey, if I relax my ban on sugar, fat, and salt I too can look like that." Which of course will make me eternally happy (snicker, snicker).

Not so. In fact according to myshape.com I am built like a teenage boy. I have no chest, no waist and no hips. Before you yell "IT MUST BE NICE" it's not...at all. Long hair and padded bras are my only saving grace for looking female.

My bright idea: eat more junk-food and I'll plump out in all the right places like my good reality show friend Kim......Life was good. Cinnamon Rolls are my friend. Pass the butter, bring on the potatoes.

2 weeks later I caught a glance. Then another. AHHHH, I do not look like Kurvy Kimmy. I look like a plumped out Elizabeth compete with muffin-top. (I think this would make a great Barbie Doll name. Muffin-top Barbie complete with tight lace-up jeans and tube top)

Enter my mom to the rescue. She put The End of Overeatting by Dr.David Kessler into my hot little mitts. Word to the wise: if you read this book stop before you get to the last section - it totally unravels the first half which was great.

The book is a total pain in the stretch marks but it's worth it. My cellulite cries out to be fed, right now it has a serious craving for copious amount of Double Bubble chewing gum and cinnamon rolls. But, I will be victorious and my muffin top will die a glorious death!

No more Kim, just Elizabeth and all that means...no butt, no boobs, no blubber....

Flipping through the channels last night a show by the name of 'More to Love' caught my attenion for a nano-second. Apparently, the premise of the show is watching 12 lovely, young women cat fight over one overweight, single, middle aged american male. I ask you America is there suddenly a shortage of overweight, single, middle aged american men? Quit fighting over him THERE ARE MILLIONS TO BE HAD.