Gift

Call me scrooge. I don't care for Christmas, snow makes me crabby, and commercialization of Christmas irritates me and then there's the problem with finding a gift for all the people one cares for.... not my idea of fun.

It's during this time of year I beg Mr. Johnson to take me a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e as long as the location is somewhat south of our current longitude. I'm not picky. I'm equally contented with the Caribbean, Mexico, Charleston S.C. or Dallas (to see my sister in law).

Thank you Dave Ramsey....not affectionately called Damn-Ramsey ......The Johnson's will be in stinking cold NC all winter this year.

Things changed last night. It had been snowing and sleeting all day. Our horses were packed in their barn until the storm passed without much wiggle room. I mentioned to by doting husband late in the evening that I'd like to do a barn renovation at some undetermined time in the future to increase the size of usable area in the barn. Without thinking twice Mr. Johnson jumped up and said "I'd love to do that with you." Which isn't an uncommon response from the man. In fact he's the most accommodating, relaxed, helpful, and patent man on the earth, just like the original Mr. Johnson was. I count myself the luckiest married woman.

Mr. Johnson, on the coldest night of the year in the pitch black; swung a sledgehammer, sawed through stall posts, and demolished plywood for hours. To create a new barn for me. We reminisced, all the while, about how my husband and his father had installed every nail, hung every gate, and hand sawed every piece of lumber for this horse barn while I was pregnant with Simi. It was a huge gift. They were allowing me to run a business all by myself for the first time in my life. It was a huge gift of trust. They believed in me and invested in me.

While we took apart the first gift making a new gift I realized how much I love being here at Christmastime. I love that it was heavily snowing and blowing all around the barn as we worked and laughed together.  And  my gift of a new barn....it love it. Thank you Mr. Johnson it's perfect.

(my computer or blogger.com won't let me download a pic now. I'll post one later of the beautiful new barn made in the dead of one bitterly cold winter night :)

Stop Negotiating With Terrorists

Tolerance comes in all forms. Religious, moral, intellectual, professional.....but in my experience the most challenging for me to practice is Other-Peoples'-Children Tolerance.

***Disclaimer*** I have many, many friends who have wonderful well socialized children who are a joy to be around. In fact I even occasionally become envious of the beautifully mannered children of some friends. If you are reading this and questioning if this post is directed towards you, IT'S NOT. I adore you, your children, and extended family. The situation I am referencing here isn't you or any one you know. Heck, I don't even know them beyond a casual acquaintance and don't care to become more acquainted.

That said, some children can  make me want to curl in the fetal position and rock myself to sleep while thinking of my 'happy place' (Grand Cayman Islands January 2007 if you were wondering). Yesterday was one of those torturous moments.

I knew it wasn't going to be a joy when I announced to my spawn that this particular family was coming over. "Mom, why didn't you ask me? Cause I would have told you that I  hate those kids" Jake informed me. In the background I could sense Simi was in some sort of gastrointestinal distress at the news of the imminent arrival of our new playmates.  "AGGGGhhhh, mom, NOBODY likes those kids, they are so terrible" Simi wailed as she rolled on the trampoline clutching her stomach.

Oooops, I just figured it would be a good thing seeing my kids wake every morning with ultimate bed head, sleep in their eyes asking, "Where are we going and who are we going to play with today?" It's a lot of pressure for a mom to come up with fun and exciting new events and play dates each day. I'm a cruise director for my children's intense desire to socialize. Apparently, I was under the false impression that any play date would suffice to meet the social need. Not so.

"Well", I say, "No prob Bob, it's gonna be great. We'll play on the trampoline, go for a nature hike and maybe have a snack then they'll be out of your hair" trying to make the best of what looks like an unfortunate situation.

As soon as their car pulls into the driveway Jake has to "go to the bathroom NOW" and Simi feels the need to find her cat "Mackers.....I think he's hungry, I'll be back." "Really, can't you both just wait 30 second to say hello?" I ask......to no one as I stand there all alone realizing J and Sims are surprisingly talented at short distance running.

I approach the minivan to greet the guests as the minivan door slides open I hear, "MOM!!!! I want to go into Simi's room and play with all her toys and then go for a horseback ride on that horse right there" twin #2 says loud enough to make an 95 year old man turn down his hearing aid. After and awkward pause I realize the mom isn't going snap her children back to reality and some form of socially accepted behavior.....she's leaving that detail for me.

"Well sweets, as much as I love to indulge demanding, selfish, screaming children, I don't own that horse, therefore you may not ride it. How about we play outside in the trampoline instead. It's a beautiful day." I reply sounding as diplomatic as possible.

"NO, that won't do." Twin #2 sobs throwing herself to the ground inconsolable.

The Mom chimes in, "Oh sweetheart, why don't you ask Mrs. Elizabeth in your most pleasing voice." No response from twin #2 other than earsplitting screams.

Mom explains to me that she's "really been emphasizing vocabulary and so proud of the progress her 'angles' have made."

Hummm, yeah, I was just noticing that. Good job. Now see what you can do about the Satan you've got growing in them.

Silence eventually takes over twin #2. I wrongly assume she's passed out. Nope she's up and swinging for round 2. "MOMMY I want to eat NOW."

"Okay darling, ask Mrs. Elizabeth if she'll make you a snack." Mom replies looking hopefully in my direction.

Wait, I think I miss heard. Did she really presume that I want to feed her clan of ingrates? Yep, from the prolonged stare and lingering silence I assume she's not kidding and I am expected to go into the house and find something for her and her 3 ankle bitters to eat. What do demons eat?

Thankfully, the mom is distracted by the sight of her son on the trampoline jumping 16 feet into the air and landing squarely on twin #1 then giving her the old heave-ho off the trampoline. While mom is checking for compound fractures on twin #1 while gently yet softly coaxing her son for an answer on why he thought that trampoline move was a swell idea, I notice my kids are no where to be seen. In fact, I don't recall seeing them in the past 35 minutes since our guests arrived.

I duck into the house....no sound. I peer in the barn....Nada. I look around the yard....zip. I check the house again. There I find them upstairs barricaded with a bowl of popcorn watching Home Alone the movie in Simi's room under a mountain of pillows and blankets with all the light turned off.

"Whatcha doing?" I ask. "Ahh, not much just getting ideas from this movie on how to handle the people YOU invited over. Are they gone yet?" Jake asks.

"Not exactly, why don't you come downstairs and play with them on the swing set" I plead. "I don't think so mom. What's wrong? You can't handle the 'crazies' by yourself, huh?"

 Crud, he's got me. I can't handle them. They are driving me over the edge. I've never learned how to tell some to leave my property nicely.....I'm in a pinch.

In the end I realize my kids are being much more honest than I so I leave them be upstairs with their popcorn and really good movie fantasising about how good it would feel to put a hurtin' on these guests.

When I make it back outside I think about apologizing for my kids behaviour...mainly not being seen since their arrival. But I think better of it. Thankfully, I see the mom bargaining with her kids to get into the car so they can make it to their piano lesson on time. From what I heard the kids get to go directly to Chick-fil-A and then to Target to pick out a special toy if they'll get into the car.

For a moment I wonder if I should intervene. Should I tell this mom to Stop Negotiating With Terrorists? (Which by the way is going to the the title of a book I write in the future) I almost offer to take her kids off her hands for the weekend with the promise of new kids by Monday. But no I think their mom is having fun with them, I wave joyously as they pull our of my driveway knowing that I won't ever make this mistake again. I WILL ALWAYS ASK MY CHIDREN WHO TO HAVE OVER FOR  A PLAYDATE. Children are after all, the best judge of character.

OCD

As Ben's aunt Wanita said to me at the last family reunion "I've got a touch of the_____________" (you can fill in the blank with any physical ailment). Last night I realized I've got a touch of the OCD.

Surely there were warning signs along the way. For instance, the way I make my bed (it's a rigorous process) or the 'proper' way to fold towels (1/2 lengthwise, 1/2 again, then in thirds) but Mr. Johnson is much too loving and tolerant to tell me I'm a crazy person. Last night down on my hands and knees at 10:00 in between commercial breaks I am scrubbing the floor with a bleach solution. Why? you ask. Did Bruce vomit up animal excrement? Kids running though with soiled shoes? Had it been 3 weeks since I washed the floor? No.
No.
and
No....only 1 day.

We had people over for dinner. Yes, it's quite shocking.

It's not the people that get me, it's more of a quota thing. You see, my mind must have a mental counter every time the door opens and shuts. Once a certain number of door opening triggers an intense need to locate bleach, Mrs. Myers geranium scented cleanser (it makes me feel better about using bleach) and a rag to do an through washing.

In my nightmares I dream of dirty socks from unwashed floors, crumbs on the floor, and dog hair. (I'm not being funny....it's really quite true) I won't shock you with the number of times I vacuum a day....  hint: the vacuum never gets put away.

When do I know I should seek medical assistance because the OCD has gone too far? When I don't want to have people over for dinner any longer....

 I have a few good months left....tops.

Follow up

In light of my last post check out this website: here

This post started out a little differently.....

I'm in a snit. Not because of a huge injustice inflicted upon me or I feel moved by the terrible suffering in the world (although I do feel those emotions too, just not right now). It's because of cheese.

I had the joy of going to a year end Christmas party today. 300 women contributed to the brunch, surely there would be at least 5 different entrees to suit every one's taste buds and dietary restrictions. Not so, you would have thought we live in Wisconsin as much cheese was mounded into every casserole, salad, bread, and dessert. There were dishes that weren't improved by the addition of cheese yet still had cheese smothered upon the plate.

No doubt I would feel less intense hatred of the cheeses if I could consume cheese without symptoms. But since symptoms abound, I've looked high and low for recipes, Yahoo Groups, cheese replacement websites, magazines (Vegan Times) to survive in a dairy entrenched society. While participating in this subculture I've been educated and here's just a sampling of what I've learned:

1. Yes, cheese is addictive because it contains opiates.Go here to read the full article
2. Well meaning people often question me about my dairy abstinence claiming I get 'no calcium in my diet. Aren't you concerned about osteoporosis?" My response: I sure would be concerned if I were consuming dairy.Click here to educate yourself
3. Dairy cows lead the most difficult lives and die horrible, torturing deaths.
Click here to know how your milk, cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, and yogurt gets to you
While I'm on the subject of foodstuffs I'll add in these tidbits:

1. A pound of beef costs $35 to produce but costs $2.50 in the supermarket. A conservative water per pound estimate of 250 gallons. Ask your government why. I won't go into the way these cows live and are slaughtered because this is a kid friendly forum....but be responsible and educate yourself. Beware! clicking on this link is gruesome and hard to watch....but then again slaughter and mistreatment of animals is never neat and nice. Even if you are an entrenched meat eater watch the video and be educated...know what you eat.

2. I've got several friends who are jumping on the discount grocery shopping bandwagon and while most of their finds are news worthy and enviable I do have one bone to pick. Eggs. Consider the lives and treatment of laying hens knowing they will never see a ray of sunshine, forge like God intended, smell fresh air, stretch their wings, or have their feet touch a blade green grass but yet experiencing their beaks sheared from their faces with a smoldering hot knife as a chick. They'll be lucky if they live a year. I'm not willing to save 67 cents at the expense of another living creature. Buy free range organic eggs,  at least those hens will have a marginally better life or better yet get your own chickens. Learn how to raise your own here.

I believe that we as humans were given a responsibility by God to care for the planet we were given  Go here and read what the Bible says about creation.  Don't let ignorance be your excuse. Factory farming is not a humane, intelligent,or a responsible institution. Need I remind you where Swine Flu was born?swine flu

All that from a luncheon....

A few of my favorite things

Mr. Johnson hasn't asked me what I want for Christmas ( my dad has :) but I am anticipating he will. Here's some hints fellows:

1. Laura's Wholesome Junk Food. Tickle my taste buds, I ADORE these snacks.  Seeing as milk products have a death wish out for my intestinal track and a hankering to destroy my complexion; it's almost impossible to find a pre-made bakery item that doesn't include dairy. Hallelujah, these are the best thing. Go here to check them out or order cookies.

2. Harney Tea. My friend Shannon introduced me to this tea and now I am an addict. Try Hot Cinnamon Spice ...it's my favorite. Check it out here

3. Mellow Mushroom Restaurant. Holy yummy and ultra healthy. In a perfect world I'd open up a restaurant. But lucky for me there are 5 in Charlotte. Go here and find one near you. Try the Tempeh or Avocado hoagie and the hummus is seriously out of this world.

4. Amanda's Own Confections is the best chocolate in the entire universe. No dairy, no gluten, no tree nut, no peanut, an no egg.  Pure wonderful chocolate. FYI try the chocolate chip banana muffin recipe on their website. Ohh la la.

5. Smart Wool Socks. Ahh the colors, the softness, the warmth....I even wear them in the summer, I love them that much.  You can buy them at SmartWool's homepage but you can find them everywhere. Apparently, I'm not the only one who loves them.

Talk to me

Just a heads up....I am allowing comments on my blog. Feel free to say "hi" :)

To leave a comment look at the bottom of each post (not the bottom of the page). There is a small blue writing beside the date/time stamp that says "comments" click on it and leave me a message.

xo,
E

How do you like them apples?

I'm full....I've had my fair share of humble pie and I'm about ready to yak because I am so full.

Let me set the scene:
Myself and a person, who shall remain nameless (No, it's not Mr. Johnson or a member of my family), had a minor run in. I was overly confident in my side of the argument and felt very justified with my pithy, arrogant point of view. Apparently, my personality knows no natural humbleness or grace or tact or cooperation.

I let my inner piranha out ready to pick a fight.

Judging from the response I received back I quickly observed that I was over my head in hot water. It's not that I was clearly wrong but my style of attack didn't have the intended reaction I was looking for, mainly, intimidation leading directly into complete submission. No, what I did was rattle the cage of a beast with 14 inch fangs, rabid eyes and long wavy hair to whom it never occurred to be afraid of me.

oops....I need a new plan.

Now deep in the middle of a possible relationship nuclear war I decide I'd like to reevaluate my attitude. I know my mouth gets me into trouble far more often than should be legal. I decided to shut my face.

Funny thing, after, get this, I LISTEN I find out we were approaching the same problem with very similar solution. I just hadn't realized it because it's hard to hear the calm of a babbling brook (other person) over the roar of a steam engine (that would be me).

So here's what I learned...you probably already know this because you are far more mature than I:

1. Shut my face (no interrupting, no rolling eyes, no picking my nose, no texting while resolving conflict)
2. Listen without trying to form a defense ( "Oh yeah? Well you're ugly")
3. Make an effort to find what we have in common
4. Pick one thing at a time to resolve
5. Don't make it personal (NO name calling, 'your momma jokes', or attacking ones hair styling preferences)
6. This really should be the number one rule.....DO NOT go looking for a fight. Sounds obvious enough but I tend to do it more frequently than I will admit.

Good News:
Nuclear Winter was avoided and a relationship remains intact. But becoming a more humble person has wounded my pride, which needed to be taken down a notch or two or ten. I so badly wanted to tell the person with whom I was in disagreement what was wrong with his/her thinking in a superior, condescending voice but I realized today it's more important to respect the person than be 'right'.

bummer.

I'm going to lick my wounds and play Wii Resort with my kids and try not to feel sorry for myself and shut my mouth. Now's a good time to call and chat....I'll let you do all the talking :)

How much do I love today?

1. Bruce and I played hide-and-seek for 2 hours this morning. Bruce was the only one having fun. He hid a $250 nutritional supplement for a horse that we board underneath the outdoor trash can. Sneaky little bugger.

Don't let the innocent face fool you...he's a mastermind of deception.

2. Someone described themselves to me as a "SUPPERIOR DELEGATOR" during a phone conversation this afternoon. I wasn't aware that "superior delegator" is the politically correct term for BOSSY. I also discovered that I don't respond favorably to being old what to do. What happens when little miss bossy meets little miss stubborn....

(that would be me)

3. My husband's plan for world domination via the grading business isn't working out as planned. But he does have a great sense of humor about it.

4. During prayer time at a home school group we attend I saw Simi (the only one with her eyes open during prayer) attack an unsuspecting boy 4 years her senior with the "word of God" while he was praying. Dern it...why are my children the only ones to act like heathens in public?

I can see the potential for crazy in the eyes, can't you?

5. I signed up to do all the administrative work for Jake's Wolf den. I would have said 'no' but a man in uniform asked me. I am helpless to make rational decisions in the presence of a uniform...even a scouting uniform.

Black Friday fun

Here's how I like to spend my Black Friday fun:
1. Watching Mr. Johnson eat 2 fried bologna sandwiches, fried apple pie, Amish cookies, homemade ice cream (FYI it was 47 degrees today), and Amish pumpkin rolls. There is a reason I'm vegan...this sandwich is the reason. belch...

2. Walking in a sea of people all of whom were at least: 1 item of camouflage, 2 items of Carthart, and Wrangler jeans tucked into cowboy boots. I felt grossly out of place in a turtleneck and jacket wearing non-wrangler jeans.-I'll know better next year.


3. Seeing the biggest horse of my life (a ginormous Belgian) that I seriously considered taking home. His hoofs were the size of a dinner platter.

(he looked a lot like this)

4. People will try to sell anything. I can't even begin to describe the diversity of today's event. From mannequin scarecrows to rusted out water heaters to homemade chicken coops. It's the kind of place that supplies Cracker Barrel restaurants with their interior decor.

I think I saw those exact snowshoes for sale today.

5. Lusting after a horse buggy and parade harnesses. It really is my calling....I did make a deal to try out a draft named "penny", buggy and gear so I can learn to drive.

this will be me someday....my new 'grocery getter'

Where can you do all this a more? At the Dixie Horse and Carriage Auction. Tomorrow is your last day until next year. If you are in the ville I highly suggest heading over. It's free entertainment.