A plethora of nonsense

We started running an all-inclusive resort for horses on vacation at the Johnson Ranch about 2 weeks ago. Think: Club Med complete with over indulging, flirting with the opposite sex and lack of respect for the resort management. Because that’s exactly what we've got going on over here.



It came to a head last night when the horses evidently had an unplanned, unapproved mixer in the pasture. I prefer to run a strict no girl/boy contact facility. I’m catholic like that. The horses (read: rebellious teens) disregarded my no-mixer wishes and were probably smoking in the bathroom too. As with most mixers there was extensive damage to the property that conveys a disrespect of the resort management (that’s me). This morning I spent 2 hours cleaning up after the hung over crowd of ungrateful equine. Which is not how I expected to spend my Tuesday morning.



Now lets talk dermatology. Last week my friends, Tanya and Alex, told me a story about a guy with a massive zit-like mound on his cheek. (it’s really strange the matters that friends are willing to discuss) I’ll have you know I day dreamed about the possibility of popping a monster like that (I should have been a dermatologist). Be careful what you wish for because now I have my very own zit-mountain. I’ll tell you right now the story of the zit is much more thrilling if you are not the subject of the zit story.



Changing subjects



I've been homeschooling for 36 hours straight. With sleep and snack breaks. I don’t know why….nothing else to do really and the kids dig it. My husband expressed his concern for my mental health and gently prodded me to leave the compound (That’s what I am calling our house now. I plan on wearing denim jumpers, braids and read only from the KJV of the bible for the rest of my days. I may even encourage Mr. Johnson to take on a sister-wife).



I gave in to Mr. Johnson’s advice and left the property sans skirt or braids or sister-wife. The outside world is really nice. Who knew? And when did I become my mother? No offense mom you are awesome.



One more thing. My dad is retiring from his 30+ year career as a biologist and my children have been begging for his taxidermy-ed critters that once adorned his office and made countless trips to public schools to educate children. The lot includes a fox with a blank stare and a ripped ear (who is a lot like the Mona Lisa. Everywhere you turn it appears the fox follows your gaze. Very unsettling at 2am on my way to the bathroom), 2 hummingbirds, a barn owl complete with pray in talon, a wood duck, and my personal favorite and woodchuck standing on it’s back legs with 2 tiny t-rex like forelimbs.



Now here is where this story get’s weird…..really, really, really weird. I won’t be offended if you don’t read more of this post. It might be best for your sake and mine.



Listen up brave soul:



My dear friend Melissa gave me a great* idea. She told me to take Simi’s baby teeth and attach them to my new taxidermist home decor. So all the critters would have a creepy grin to go with the glass stares. I like it. I really like it.



*Great is used as a completely subjective term here.



Why?



I don’t know. We are homeschoolers and by definition very strange.



But I thought it was a classic idea…. I should apologize to my dad now. Sorry I am desecrating your beautiful specimens. I love you.

Classy, huh?