vs.

Homeschooling has a reputation. Like the girl of loose morals in high school, homeschooling is seen by the rest of the world in the same shady light. When random strangers and acquaintances ask what grade my children are in or how they like there teacher this year I just play along or attempt a home school conversion depending on the mood swings.

I've become so brainwashed and insulated with other homeschooling families that I am shocked when I happen upon a public school student. I can't help but talk to it and poke it with a stick - kind of like I would roadkill. I've concluded that home school parents are no different than other parents except for one big thing.....WE ARE WITH OUR KIDS ALL THE TIME and we can smell the aroma of childhood shenanigan's and nip it in the bud without the help of a professional psychologist, MD, psychiatrist, pharmacist, psychic or the like.

Today I happened upon one of the rare species of government educated children and their mother. We were chatting along and sympathizing with each other on behavior issues, star charts, tasers, and the like. Here's what I've deduced; as all children are pretty much the same parents just use different verbiage to describe their children. Let me show you what I mean:

Non-Home school Approach
"I don't know what's wrong with my child, she gets within inches of another child's face and roars, that behavior is so antisocial and aggressive I don't think I can fix it maybe she needs Ritalin."

Home school Approach
In the home school world we just call that knowing one's animal sounds and an obnoxious desire to share that passion with another. If that 'passion' continues she'll get to be responsible for all the animals in our household and their poop until she can figure out there are better ways to communicate.

Non-Home school Approach

I've decoupaged a gold star behavior chart complete with rewards, glitter glue, demerits, stickers, ribbons, buttons and the like. If my child can make it though the day without a hissy fit or temper tantrum in Target she'll win a blowout ice cream party for 30 of her closest friends on Friday.

Home school Approach

If my child has the nerve to act like a heathen in public I'll leave her there and pretend she's not mine. I don't have the desire or the will to coax a 4 year old to release the death grip on a Barbie Doll. She'll have bigger things to worry about than a Barbie, like "How am I gonna bum a ride home when I don't know my own address?"

Non-Home school Approach

Why won't my child clean up her room? We've had many talks about responsibility and caring for our things. I'm afraid I'll be cleaning her room forever maybe I'll have to hire a maid for her dorm room.

Home school Approach
Cleanliness is a fostered attribute. Dear darling let me help you foster it: here's a trash bag and Goodwill bag

I'll be back in 30 minutes anything not in one of these two bags or put away correctly and neatly will become my sole responsibility. It really would be a shame watching your mom build Lego's and play the Wii while you have to do your math, huh?

Non-Home school Approach
I'm afraid my child won't like me if I'm the heavy.

Home school Approach

I hope my children don't like me by the time their 18.  Then they'll have incentive to leave! And if I don't teach them what they need to know by the time they spread their wings and fly into the world, I haven't done my job. There will always be someone to play the heavy, boss, law, spouse, friends, God, government, etc. Learn now. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks but possible with the help of tasers and federal penitentiary.

Learn from your momma, the one who loves you more than all the people in the world. Don't wait until you have to learn your lessons from someone who doesn't love you.

It's been a weird funny day for me. Don't take anything I said here today too seriously....well maybe just a little.