Humor

Monday morning is my time. Usually.

Today sipping my soy green tea latte in Starbucks minding my own business on the brink of total spiritual enlightenment (hahahahaha) but really enjoying my book nonetheless; 2 men ask to join me.

I just nod without looking up. Out of the corner of my eye I see that they haven't changed out of their Halloween costumes. Apparently, they went as Creepy Seductive Italian Men. Greased back, curly chin length black hair, tight black metro-sexual T-shirts, $200 7-for-all-mankind jeans, Italian leather loafers, and 4 day stubble.

Arg, I could tell they were the friendly sort, trying to make eye contact and making louder than normal conversation so I would be drawn in. Ugh, men

I tried my best to display anti-social behavior; hair in face, nose in book, arms crossed but still flashing the wedding band on my third finger, sour expression and feet folded in. No good - these mannerisms are interpreted as 'please talk to me' in Europe.

"Hey young lady, what are you reading?" The Italian Stallion begs me to answer

Pretending not to hear and lost deep, deep in thought he calls me out again. This time leaning forward flashing his new veneers.

"I'm reading a book about waiting, it's really boring, I don't think you'd be interested." I respond hoping the conversation would come to a screeching halt.

"Oh, I see, my darling. And what year are you at the university?" he's obviously skilled at picking-up the over 30 woman.

"I'm a freshman....I really need to finish reading before my class." Please, Lord make him spontaneously combust, get a phone call, or get arrested by the cop picking up his skinny cinnamon latte; I plead within.

"Yes, of course. I like a woman bettering herself." he says as he butts out of my life for the moment to answer his phone. Interestingly, the ring tone was a Tango tune.

For the next 15 minutes the Italian Stallion and his wing man with a neck tattoo banter back and forth about:
1. buying property in papya new guinea (I doubt either of them could find it on a map)
2. private schools (I couldn't tell for whom)
3. vacationing in Cabo and a spontaneous trip to The Epcot Center in Florida (ohhh, I hate I missed out on that one)
4. discuss the prowess of Juan Pablo Montoya who is a close personal friend
5. The weather in Mooresville for the next month

Admitting to himself that he is batting .000000 on this one (me) he offers to go have a smoke with the wingman in the parking lot. Relieved but highly amused I watched them cross the parking lot to their Grand Am with local tags to retrieve their cigs. After lighting up they trot across the road to G'ss Lounge; the only bar open at 10:00am.

Thank you Lord for allowing me humor.