Mother wanted

A classified add by my biological children:

Wanted: A person of the female gender who is able to unflinchingly meets all my needs, wants, desires, and delusions...NOW. She should also be a exceptional chef of all kid cuisine (fried meats, refined starches, Reese's cups, and by goodness nothing that has a green hue to it). Have an uncanny ability to locate soccer cleats, gymnastic uniform, reading books, clean underwear, etc. in mere seconds. Also, preform the daily chores and rituals of laundry and cleaning. However, all these activities must be done with a joy-full attitude, patience that would embarrass Gandhi, perseverance equal to climbing Everest---without oxygen, and peace that surpasses all understanding.
In return for giving your devotion and life to these children you will receive:
1. ALLOWED TO GIVE NO MORE THAN ONE KISS ON THE FOREHEAD A DAY BY YOUR CHARGES
2. AN UNGRATEFUL ATTITUDE FOR YOUR TIRELESS EFFORT
3. A TOTAL MEMORY LOSS OF WHAT YOUR LIFE USED TO LOOK LIKE
4. NO PAY

As you can gather this morning was a bit rough in the Johnson household. My son decided that I was disposable. So I intend to prove him right. I'm observing my God-given right to Mother's Day and all that entails.

I will be the mother that is seen and not heard. No one will hear "What would you like for breakfast?", "Can I help you find ________?", "Would you like me to read with you?", "Come sit with me my little angels and let me tell you how much I love you." Instead it will be "I'm off to get a Mani-pedi." "I'm going to Target by myself.", "UMMMM, this one portion dinner I made is De-lic-ious."

I hope I can make it until 9:00pm on Sunday May 10th before I give in :)