Bye-bye

Weeks ago (read *more than several months*) I was cleaning out my over stuffed closet. My closet is our burial grounds for the family. It's full of anything and everything that we won't ever use but yet are too lazy to take to goodwill or a consignment store. I've got cast iron pots, an old cannery, wrapping paper from 3 years ago, a tent, climbing harness, car seats that have been out grown and a spare tire to name a few. Needing some hanging space for pants I decided that some of these things have to go. First on the check list: car seats.

 Lots of women hold onto small mementos to remember the early years of their children's lives like first shoes, clothing, stuffed animals and the like. I, however, am partial to car seats. It's the item they spent the most time in outside of my arms. The seats were unexpectedly hard for me to part with. They spent more than a month hanging out by the front door. My rational was "I eventually get sick of cleaning around them and haul them out the door". That time never came. I just couldn't do it.  I'd say to myself  "well, maybe I'll need them in the future" or "what happens if I babysit and need an extra car seat?" So they sat...

and sat.....

and sat....

as a silent shrine that I wasn't yet ready to part with. All the while we had dinner guests, friends, church youth groups, business clients, family etc. who had to step over and around the car seat shrine. No one ever said anything about them. It was a bit odd after all; 5 car seats and I have 2 children.

Today I was brave, I let my rational side take control over my emotions and drive me to the nearest children's consignment store with car seats in tow to make some quick cash and create more space in the dinning room/entryway area.

As I am standing in line with 200lbs of car seats a woman behind me tells me that she gained sole custody of her infant granddaughter that very morning and needs a car seat in order to pick her up. She's beaming with pride, joy, expectancy and love at the new addition to her family. She tells me "it's the best Christmas gift I could ever ask for." I know what she means. My eyes well up with tears because I've been there and now I'm not.

I install the car seat into the back of her mini-van while she chats excitedly about upcoming holiday plans with her new daughter, husband and extended family. I just nod keeping my face focused on the task at hand to choke down the tears until I can make it to the security of my own car. I say good bye and watch her drive off to bring home the new love of her life.

I've never been good at saying goodbye but this time was especially difficult.

(my make-up)

The backseat of my car is terribly lonely now. Long gone are the days of buckling an infant or assisting with a lap belt. But I'll always remember what is used to be:

This green car seat is now cradling a brand-new baby for another family.